day one.

Hi. bare with me because this is a bit awkard. I feel like im cheating on my journal or something but my mind is kind of foggy and we're miles apart so this will do. im not exactly sure why my mind is so foggy today. Im usally happy. atleast lately. things have been really good lately. i'm in love, never been in love before. or atleast i don't think i have. im not sure. i've had moments of madness and insanity were i'd do anything for one persons heart, but ultimately i believe i just wanted to win the battle. its a complex of mine. or maybe its just human nature, but i want to win. i want to know that i can do anything and everything my heart desires. what i have now... well its not the same kind of challenge. its a challenge to learn more and grow together, but i've already won because i have love. love is this magical creature. its so unexpected so mysterious. it comes out in the strangest forms, in the darkness, or in broad daylight. you just never know, until you know. and for once in my life i know.

anyway i can go on for days about love. but right now i just feel so... unhappy with myself. physically, and its upseting me mentally. i know that its silly for me to get down and out about the physical, its shallow and i'm above that, but i cant help it. idont know how to fix it. i can sit in front of the mirror and try to put everything in place... for hours. i'm constantly late because none of it is ever in place. i need change and i need it now.

i hate that i sound miserable. im not that person. im realistic. and realistically i am not ugly, but right now im not at my best. and it bothers me.

i should be studying but im out of it. im hungry and bored and tired. i think something bigger is wrong. i'll let ya know.

sigh.
D.