Balance & Bullshit

Balance (n.) a desirable point between two or more opposing or interacting forces

.. also the biggest struggle of my adult life. It seems almost unattainable to me. I don't want to be in one place, I don't want an indefinite label. But how can I ever be in two (or more) places at once? I want to know and be a part of everything. I want to be home with family, but I want to be on my own, to be self-reliant. I want education but I want money now. I want to be a renaissance woman. I want to be a leader. I want to save lives. I want success. I want to be with my friends, but I want to know complete strangers. I want to help others believe in themselves, but I want to live a wild and crazy life of my own.

Based on personal experience, I find that we lose so much of who we really are when we engross ourselves with one aspect of our lives. I read my journal and writings, and realize I've grown tremendously as a person. But at the same time I miss that silly girl who cared more about what her heart told her... But that silly girl was on a mission to find me.

"im bored n just wondering what 2008 is gona be like for me.

Looking back at 2007 it kinda feels like i was disappointed by all of unfortunate events of this past year more then anything else. i cant say it was a completely horrible year because it wasnt. this year i met some amazing people who i will remember forever and built stronger bonds with some of the people already present in my life, but even with its memorable moments it wasnt the best year of my life. Entirely too much bullshit consumed my year. Pretty much feels like i devoted too much of me to nothingness. i spent too much time stressing petty shit and was just presented with soo many unnecessary obstacles. but hey, i guess everything happens for a reason and all i can do now is learn from it. This year i was pretty much forced to grow up a lot, or else i wouldnt have gotten through any of it. thanks to the people who helped me get through a rough year and kuddos to myself for just being awesome ;)

hopefully 2008 has a lot more to offer."

And here I find myself, approaching 2010, embarking on so many new and wonderful journeys. Greatful of all the wonderful and fulfilling opportunties that I've been presented. So much of my time is devoted to something greater than me. Here I am trying "save the world".. supposedly.

But something was missing in '07, and something is still missing now. The weight has completely shifted on the balance beam of my life. Enough "bullshit" doesn't consume me, as unusual as that sounds. The kind of "bullshit" that reminds you that you are not impervious to pain, and you don't have all the answers. The kind that reminds you how to laugh and cry and feel emotions directly related to you. To cry and laugh because of what you feel, not as a resulting reaction to what others feel. Genuine everyday moments with MY family, MY friends, MY loved ones... the ones who made me who I am to begin with. That is whats missing -- The Bullshit, which in reality is very far from bullshit. Its what souls are made of.

Moral of the story, don't forget the things that make YOU YOU. Stand for something, be radical, save a life, save the world... but remember who you are and where you came from. Know that a balance must exist in order for you to reach your highest potential and have your greatest impact on this world. Being a good person doesn't mean anything if you aren't touching the lives of the people closest to you. Remember to love. to smile. to laugh. to cry.

To be humble. This next step for me, on my quest toward enlightenment. Here we go.


CHEERS!
D.