identity moratorium

Moratorium is the status of a person who is actively involved in exploring different identities, but has not made a commitment.

So, I am at a place in my life where all I really want to do is figure out who i really am. I mean, I know who I am... or do I know who I want to be? ... And thus, the confusion begins. Its like this, I know I'm easy going but I want to draw a line between that and being a push over. I also want to draw a line between being responsible but simultaneously carefree. I don't know why I find myself on both sides of the spectrum and I certainly don't know why I feel so obliged to draw lines. I mean, whats a distinction going to do for me? Is some sort of set criteria going to make my life any easier? I don't know. I don't think so. I am absolutely rambling, but this is where I am in life. I feel like I take on so many roles, where so many hats.. and sometimes they are in fact contradictory. Does that make me a hypocrite? or does it make me adaptable? I have no idea... but I'm excited about the journey toward finding out.

All I know is that I love life. I'd like to spend more time self reflecting, than reflecting on other peoples actions. Its going to be my profession for the rest of my adult life, why bother with it now. For now I will ask myself all of these questions and actively discover who I am through experience. After all, you are the sum of your experiences.

If its someone I genuinely care for of course thats another story, but why waste minutes, hours, days worrying about someone who is insignificant in your journey? The bubble I'm in, a dense yet idle campus, makes it difficult to avoid formulating opinions and passing judgments about others. I don't agree with a lot of what I see around here, and often deem it superficial or just plain stupid, but instead of trying to understand why people I dont care about are associated with things I care less about, I want to understand why I've developed these views and opinions in the first place. What does it say about ME? Idk, but its totally doable. My most recent venture, actively attempting to humble myself, has gone quite well. I'm no where near where I'd like to be, but I've improved since my last post about it. I'm not as cocky and I think people are gravitating towards me much more now that thats changed.

All in all....Life is better than its ever been. Personal growth is good.

Cheers,
D.