The Alchemist By Paulo Coelho

" And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to acheive it. "

wisdom is a girls bestfriend.

You know those days when you wake up and don't like the world your in? Today is one of those days; I'm having a very 'off' day. Everything from the way my body feels to whats going on in Haiti, it all just seems so wrong....

Anywho, I'm back from my Vegas/Cali getaway. It was my first time on the west coast, and my first vacation with friends. I wasn't exactly prepared for it in more ways than one, but hey life is trial and error. Next time i'll know or atleast have a better idea of what to pack, who to go with, and where to stay. Overall I had a really great, eye opening experience and i'll definitely go back before the year is over.

My favorite part of the vacation was the sky. Day or night, when I looked at the clear sky, well that was it for me. That was my escape, my peace of mind, the mere definition of a vacation. I didn't have a care or worry. Everything seemed so perfectly in place at that moment. It was almost unreal to me. I think I left a little piece of me there on the drive from Nevada to California and back, just standing there in the middle of the interstate staring into to the sky, searching for all the answers. I'll go pick up that piece someday, but for now i don't mind.

I learned a lot about myself on this trip, good things and bad things... things I needed to realize to move forward in life. Its crazy this whole 'adult' thing. Its like no matter what you are constantly learning, growing up, and you are finally mature enough to actually realize it. Its like I see myself changing, rearranging thoughts and patterns in my mind after each self dicovery. Understanding life differently, seeing a bigger picture. Its like... a massive puzzle. Sometimes you think you have enough pieces to make out the image but then sometimes you just mess up and lose one of the pieces you already had, but even failure grants you a new puzzle piece, and that puzzle piece appears to create a whole new image...all theses clues leading you to the answer but at the end of the day you don't even know what question you are trying to answer!.. oh life, you are such an enigma!!! i love you :)

Oh yeah so where was i..... So i didn't win big in Vegas, or run into celebs in LA, but I got more out of this vacation than I had expected. The way I see it, New York raised me so the rest of the world could embrace me.

Time to see the world through a whole new lens.
Peace and Love,
D.

ps, the world seems just a bit more right after blogging.

2009 Pros/Cons

It's hard to believe another year has come and gone.. almost. So much has changed, especially within the last few months. This has been one of the more difficult yet fulfilling years of my life.

What better way to describe 'o9 than with pros & cons :)

PROS :D
- No one close to me died. For me this is magical in a world where you never know whos up next. This year it was time for some celebs.
- My family is genuinely happy, healthy, and together.. This year I felt more like a family than others, simply because we've all been in a better mental state. Granted my youngest brother - sixteen - is quite standoffish, and for the most part a complete asshole, but I attribute that to his age. At the end of the day hes our baby and we love the shithead. I was the same and so was my older brother, who is now twenty-three.
- I turned 21. I can go anywhere, and use my own idenity. Pretty sweet.
- I got my liscence. I set my mind to it and i did. Passed on the first try.
- I kicked ass at Stony Brook. Grades were higher than ever, I was involved in everything under the sun, and I've definitely made my mark.
- My relationship with my boyfriend has flourished. Never in my life have I felt so comfortable with and connected to another individual. He is my souls counterpart.
- Unhealthy friendships/relationships went byebye.
- I met some great people. No one I can call a best friend, but certainly people who have left an impression on me.
- Lastly, I made over my soul. This was a year of wisdom, compassion, and life lessons. While nothing from my past has been erased, I have definitely defeated some of my greatest demons...

CONS :(
- I didn't take care of myself. I didn't pay enough attention to my physical appearance and pretty much looked washed up this year. And I gained 10 pounds.. Boo.
- I scarificed my social life at SBU. (not entirely a con, realized i was in the wrong social circle kinda late)
- Lost some of my closest friends to a monster named Pettiness.
- Didn't save $$$, but then again thats nothing new!

That's all I can think of for now, but clearly the Pros outweigh the Cons.

2010 has a lot to offer and I'm ecstatic.


Enjoying the rest of 'o9,
D.

Why I love children - Reason#6078

If you're a procrastinator, I'm your enabler.

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/recent/7

Float On - Modest Mouse

I backed my car into a cop car the other day.
Well he just drove off, sometimes life's OK.
I ran my mouth off a bit too much, oh what did I say?
Well you just laughed it off, it was all OK.

And we'll all float on OK. And we'll all float on OK.
And we'll all float on OK. And we'll all float on anyway.

Well, a fake Jamaican took every last dime with that scam.
It was worth it just to learn some sleight of hand.
Bad news comes, don't you worry even when it lands.
Good news will work its way to all them plans.
We both got fired on exactly the same day.
Well we'll float on, good news is on the way.

And we'll all float on OK. And we'll all float on OK.
And we'll all float on OK. And we'll all float on.
Alright already, we'll all float on.
No don't you worry. We'll all float on.
Alright, already. We'll all float on.
Alright, don't worry. We'll all float on.

And we'll all float on.
Alright already, we'll all float on.
Alright, don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy.
We'll all float on.

Alright already, we'll all float on.
Alright already, we'll all float on OK.
Don't worry, we'll all float on.
Even if things get heavy, we'll all float on.
Alright already, we'll all float on alright.
Don't you worry, we'll all float on.
We'll all float on.

Balance & Bullshit

Balance (n.) a desirable point between two or more opposing or interacting forces

.. also the biggest struggle of my adult life. It seems almost unattainable to me. I don't want to be in one place, I don't want an indefinite label. But how can I ever be in two (or more) places at once? I want to know and be a part of everything. I want to be home with family, but I want to be on my own, to be self-reliant. I want education but I want money now. I want to be a renaissance woman. I want to be a leader. I want to save lives. I want success. I want to be with my friends, but I want to know complete strangers. I want to help others believe in themselves, but I want to live a wild and crazy life of my own.

Based on personal experience, I find that we lose so much of who we really are when we engross ourselves with one aspect of our lives. I read my journal and writings, and realize I've grown tremendously as a person. But at the same time I miss that silly girl who cared more about what her heart told her... But that silly girl was on a mission to find me.

"im bored n just wondering what 2008 is gona be like for me.

Looking back at 2007 it kinda feels like i was disappointed by all of unfortunate events of this past year more then anything else. i cant say it was a completely horrible year because it wasnt. this year i met some amazing people who i will remember forever and built stronger bonds with some of the people already present in my life, but even with its memorable moments it wasnt the best year of my life. Entirely too much bullshit consumed my year. Pretty much feels like i devoted too much of me to nothingness. i spent too much time stressing petty shit and was just presented with soo many unnecessary obstacles. but hey, i guess everything happens for a reason and all i can do now is learn from it. This year i was pretty much forced to grow up a lot, or else i wouldnt have gotten through any of it. thanks to the people who helped me get through a rough year and kuddos to myself for just being awesome ;)

hopefully 2008 has a lot more to offer."

And here I find myself, approaching 2010, embarking on so many new and wonderful journeys. Greatful of all the wonderful and fulfilling opportunties that I've been presented. So much of my time is devoted to something greater than me. Here I am trying "save the world".. supposedly.

But something was missing in '07, and something is still missing now. The weight has completely shifted on the balance beam of my life. Enough "bullshit" doesn't consume me, as unusual as that sounds. The kind of "bullshit" that reminds you that you are not impervious to pain, and you don't have all the answers. The kind that reminds you how to laugh and cry and feel emotions directly related to you. To cry and laugh because of what you feel, not as a resulting reaction to what others feel. Genuine everyday moments with MY family, MY friends, MY loved ones... the ones who made me who I am to begin with. That is whats missing -- The Bullshit, which in reality is very far from bullshit. Its what souls are made of.

Moral of the story, don't forget the things that make YOU YOU. Stand for something, be radical, save a life, save the world... but remember who you are and where you came from. Know that a balance must exist in order for you to reach your highest potential and have your greatest impact on this world. Being a good person doesn't mean anything if you aren't touching the lives of the people closest to you. Remember to love. to smile. to laugh. to cry.

To be humble. This next step for me, on my quest toward enlightenment. Here we go.


CHEERS!
D.